Cam

"This writing is about the timeline of my trans experience.

The memories I have as a child crying about the chest I didn't want, feeling trapped in a town that I didn't feel could understand me and realising that not everybody was suffering with this part of themselves that I was.

These years of confusion were really painful but I have now found understanding, friends and love - things I previously had been accepting as not possible for me. Something that I think really helped me was finding trans creators online, it showed me that it was possible to live happily as a trans person and the ways in which this could be done safely. I still follow a lot of these people to this day.

It is not like my confusion is over but I think writing about my timeline was powerful in demonstrating where I have come from and where I could go. My process was to think of the ways that my trans confusion has made me feel and the memories I have at different points in my life that relate to it.

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This writing feels personal and meaningful as I know that every trans person has different experiences, but this is part of mine."

Starting as something I was unaware was questionable,

It became a reason to cry,

Simply because I didn't understand,

That it was possible to change my chest.

My brain became overrun,

With questions I couldn't answer,

Until leaving my home town,

Felt like a way out.

Part of being human,

That I didn't share,

Which most people found as obvious,

As what colour eyes they had.

I thought that everyone,

Was feeling this pain,

Until friends started expressing,

Their want to be women.

Fear still comes,

When people don't know me,

And it still hurts,

To not be able to see myself when I'm sad.

Representation gave me a safe space,

A place I could learn,

Somewhere that made sense,

A place that was for me.

I found freedom,

I found love,

I'm beginning to understand,

What being non-binary means.

The normality of it all,

The people who see me the same,

With nothing different but what I sign,

At the bottom of a page.

As to be authentic,

Is to brave,

Because walking your truth,

Means the world is watching.

But my reality is dangerous,

So when saying my name,

Or holding your hand,

I stand proud for those who can't.

Know you are beautiful,

You are normal,

You will be okay,

Who you are is something to be proud of.